Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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