I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
