I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
