Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
