I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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