your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
