even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
