I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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