Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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