Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
false alarm. still invincible.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
