no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
