You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
