just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
