It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize