whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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