tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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