There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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