I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Someone signed my nipple.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
