I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize