Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
