So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
