hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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