my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
