As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
