what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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