So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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