so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
