had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
