its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
