Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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