'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
