i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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