Barsexuality is the new black.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
