I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
