i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
