they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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