Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
