Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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