i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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