he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
