Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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