First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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