I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
