Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
