You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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