i used baking grease as lip gloss
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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