getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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