Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
