Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
