what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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