Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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