I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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