I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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