I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I want to make a zoo with you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
