There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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