i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize