He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
