I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
