i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize