my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
