My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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