forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
