he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
