i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
