i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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