I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
