I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
