4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
