i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
