I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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