alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
