every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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