just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
