I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
