So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
