My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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