We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
