# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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