At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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