i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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