Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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