i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
