This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
