He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
