He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
