two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
