my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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