He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just want to make out with him forever
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize