Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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