Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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