girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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