Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
