I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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