I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
