Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
