remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The air was thick with penises
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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