Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
