I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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