I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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