I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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