DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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