Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
