i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize