my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
