I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
