i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I smell stomach acid.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
