did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
