i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
