I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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