my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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