she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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