I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My life is pants optional.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
