It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i think i just lost a toe
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